Enneagram Book

If you are a six, there is a good chance you aren’t going to believe a thing I’m about to say. I hope you’ll read it anyway because there might be something here worthwhile.

Chances are you read a lot. But you don’t really buy it. You don’t buy much, definitely don’t by this stupid website, or any of the gurus out there. Nope. But it is interesting, so you’ll give it a few more minutes of your time.

Sixes are the skeptics. Sixes are the ones in the back of the crowd shouting at the magician that it’s slight of hand. (Well, maybe not shouting, but nudging the people next to you who are in awe.)

Yes, it’s hard to pull one over on the six, because although you might seem like you believe it, you don’t. Not really.

I’ve known a whole bunch of sixes. Most of them I’ve really liked. I’ve had a few best friends that have been sixes. I guess being a seven myself with a six wing; I can kind of sympathize with the six. Part of me is that way too.

Sixes rarely believe that they are actually sixes. They are often found wondering if they might be something else because they are skeptical that they are sixes. This isn’t a mistake. This isn’t unusual.

Sixes make great friends because they are great listeners and often have a wonderful sense of humor. The sense of humor helps them get through the day because they see too much of the shady underbelly to pretend it’s not there.

As a six, you can smell hypocrisy and incongruence from a mile away. Especially if it’s inside of yourself. You might spend many waking hours pouring over your beliefs to ensure that they all align and agree.

Story of a Six:

I once met the PERFECT six at a Helen Palmer weekend. We were both working the CD recording machine to get a discount on the price of admission.

Over the course of the weekend- He a six, and me a seven, I got a good grasp on what makes a six a six. I got a taste of the humor, the thoughtfulness, and the neurosis that makes a six a good friend and a puzzle.

Mr. Six could always be found pouring over the recording equipment because he was scared shitless that something would go wrong and we’d be caught with out pants down. Sixes make for great partners in that way- you know they are paying attention.

Mr. Six was also in good company… it seemed that half of the class was also a six. It seemed that the sixes make it out to these events because being a six is tough… and you want some clues on how to make it easier. How to be safe…

When I drove Mr. Six to the airport to catch his flight home, he told me a bit about what got him interested in the enneagram. He told me that he had always been an atheist, or at least agnostic about religion since being a teenager. He thought it was all silly, or actually, more un-provable.

When he was in his thirties, he saw a ghost. It didn’t jive with his beliefs, so he realized he was off. He needed a new framework. Apparently there were ghosts, and if there were ghosts out there then he needed to know what else was out there.

Fast forward a few years and he’s in an enneagram class because it seemed to fit with him. And apparently it fit with lots of other sixes as well.

Quotes By Enneagram Type 6:

“i am two with nature.” Woody Allen

“to put it bluntly, i seem to be whole superstructure with no foundation.” Marilyn Monroe

“the optimism of action is better than the pessimism of thought.” Greenpeace Slogan

Have you ever wondered if you were the type you’ve been told? It’s not uncommon for you to be typed and go years believing you are a different type than you really are. That’s why I wrote Seven Steps to Find (or Affirm) Your Enneagram Type. Read it if you’ve ever wondered…

Do you know something I don’t? If this is your type, it’s quite likely that you do. Heck, I’m a Type 7, so I’m really only qualified to speak on behalf of us crazy 7’s. If you’d like to add something to this description, email me by clicking here and contribute to the World’s growing Enneagram Knowledge!

Basic Description

Loyalists are people who desire security, of one form or another, in this world. They are typically not satisfied until they reach a level of security and reassurance that everything will turn out fine. However, it often can take a lot of reassurance before they can reach a point of greater contentment that everything truly is fine. Loyalists can often exhibit fear and doubt towards their outer environment as well as towards themselves. Only when Loyalists realize that their own security does not come from attachments to outside people, places, and things, but rather stems from inside themselves (where they are able to feel capable of feeling secure no matter what the circumstances may be), will they be able to feel more at ease in their daily lives.

‘Fuels’ that drive the type focus of attention

Passion/Fixation: Fear/Doubt — In this case, fear is primarily MENTALLY based (based on a fight-or-flight reaction) where the individual has a certain fear of a future event (which may or may not happen in actuality) occurring. This is more about a given fear happening IN THE FUTURE, than in a clear and present fear that is grounded in reality (i.e. a bear attacking your camping tent). As a result, the mind is swirling for ways to resolve the future situation and to bring the individual to greater safety. As a result, they may internally question and doubt whether they are TRULY safe. The nature of this doubt and mental questioning is the hallmark for this type.
Basic Fear: ‘Of being without support and guidance’ In other words, the one fear that drives the Loyalist’s personality structure is a fear that they will not have any security remaining and will be completely unsupported to survive in this world. They can become petrified of not knowing what to do and how to adequately survive in the world.
Basic Desire: ‘To have security and support’ When fixated, each type will try at all costs to avoid their Basic Fear, and hence will do anything possible to perpetuate their Basic Desire. Loyalists will do anything which will increase their sense of security and make them feel supported. So in order to avoid the above feelings of being petrified, of not knowing what to do and how to adequately survive, Loyalists can fill their minds with strategies, concepts, and ideologies to prevent the state of ‘not-knowing’ from occurring.

Levels of Development

Healthy
Level 1	Loyalists let go of their belief that security comes from a source outside themselves and paradoxically, they achieve their basic desire to find security and support.
Level 2	Loyalists focus on the environment to find support and/or to alert themselves to dangers.
Level 3	Loyalists responsibly work to create and sustain mutually beneficial agreements.
Average
Level 4	Loyalists start to fear that they will lose their independence but at the same time, also feel a need for more support. To find increased grounding, they seek guidance in procedures, rules, and people who can provide some assistance and direction.
Level 5	Loyalists feel that they have to walk a tightrope in order to a) alleviate the increasing pressure placed on them and b) not alienate their supporters at the same time. As a result, they become anxious, pessimistic, and suspicious, in general.
Level 6	Loyalists become extremely unsure of themselves and fear that they are losing all the supports that they have attempted to gain in the past. To compensate for this high anxiety state, they start becoming highly cynical and reactive towards the outside world.
Unhealthy
Level 7	Loyalists fear that their (re)actions may have sabotaged their security, and as a result, they feel panicky, depressed, and helpless.
Level 8	Loyalists, in their desperation, truly feel that others will punish them for the actions that they have taken in the past (and thereby remove all remaining security and supports). As a result, they start feeling intense paranoia, and may perform highly impulsive and destructive acts in order to deal with their paranoid feelings.
Level 9	Loyalists realize that they have been so reactive and paranoid that harsh consequences for their actions are quite likely. They feel intense guilt and self-hatred and would rather self-punish than accept others’ rejection. Suicide attempts to bring about rescue from others are possible here.

Childhood

Loyalists often feel some sort of uncertainty regarding their interactions with their parents. Often they may have received mixed signals from one or both parents, which may have provided a source of confusion regarding how to be secure in the world. As a result, they can take one of two approaches to manage themselves throughout life. They may try to bond or attach to someone older (or in authority) in order to feel safe. Alternatively, they can also try to survive by warily defending against any outside threats to their safety and security. Most Loyalists use a combination of these two coping strategies, rather than simply relying on one or the other. However, each individual Loyalist may lean more towards one side or the other of this dichotomy. As a result of these two coping strategies, there are often Loyalists who are more trusting of the outer world (but may be less trusting of themselves), while there can also be Loyalists who are more mistrusting and skeptical of others (deciding to gut their way through life on their own).

Wings

Six With A Five Wing: The Defender

Healthy

When 6w5s are healthy, they tend to be very analytical and thorough in all their endeavors. They are very capable at foreseeing any potential problems and loopholes that may exist, and are extremely skilled at detecting whether the intentions of others are genuine/sincere or may have ulterior motives of some sort. They can be extremely loyal and steadfast and will not hesitate to stand up and defend any causes or people they genuinely believe in, even if such a stance is relatively unpopular.

Average

6w5s slip into the average range when they begin to feel mistrustful and skeptical of those around them. They will question the motives of others (even when the intentions of another person might be benign). Typically their fear is applied more to the outer world and they feel a larger need to be mistrustful of others, while believing that they will have to gut out their way through life alone (or perhaps with a few tight-knit relationships). They are extremely independent and serious. If they need any reassurance, it will typically come from more abstract systems and beliefs (e.g. humor, word play, personal philosophy). They can also be very secretive in order to not have anything exposed which may threaten them.

Unhealthy

As 6w5s slip further into the unhealthy range, they start becoming incredibly paranoid that others are out to get them, and that they are destined to be victimized by others. They become even more mistrustful, and at this point, it would not be surprising if the only person who they are able to trust is themself. They are highly cynical toward everyone around them, as to the world at large. Often, they will take on an ‘us against the world’ dynamic and tend to blame and scapegoat any threats to their security. They also begin isolating themselves, catastrophizing and preparing themselves for the inevitable doom that may await.

Six With A Seven Wing: The Buddy

Healthy

When 6w7s are healthy, they tend to be very warm, likeable, spontaneous, and approachable individuals. They are quite able to bridge their need for security with an underlying desire to expand their horizons with enthusiasm and sheer curiosity. They are extremely approachable and sincere to others (in order to establish bonds of loyalty and friendship) while additionally welcoming new and intriguing opportunities for personal growth.

Average

Average 6w7s begin to become concerned that the bonds and commitments that were previously formed can be suddenly taken away from them. As a result, they are capable of clinging onto those sources of security in order to prevent losing them. They may exhibit very low self-trust and self-confidence and concurrently, may look to other people, places, and things for the type of ‘security’ that they appear to lack in themselves. They often second-guess their own intuitions and trust others’ opinions, even if those opinions may be misguided. Additionally, they may feel that they are capable of becoming a loose cannon, where if they let out all of their impulsive energy, they may sabotage themselves and lose everything that supports them. However, at the lower levels, they are capable of providing the exact impulsive, reactive responses that they inherently fear.

Unhealthy

As 6w7s slip further into the unhealthy range, their feelings of intense inferiority and lacking self-worth are significantly enhanced. At the same time, their impulsive reactivity greatly comes to the forefront. They become highly unstable and unpredictable. Perhaps at one moment, they may beg and plead for another’s forgiveness. At another moment, they may become frantically worried about any impending abandonment. Finally, at yet another moment, they may throw a temper tantrum out of frustration that no matter what they do to salvage everything, they appear to be sabotaging themselves at every step. Their explosive unpredictability, stemming from their depressive feelings of low self-confidence is a hallmark of this psychologically unhealthy state.

Instinctual Variants of Type Six

Self-Preservational Instinctual Variant

By definition, Loyalists whose dominant instinct is self preservation will tend to apply the passion and fixation of fear and doubt towards the self-preservational arena. As a result, there is a great degree of anxiety regarding areas that pertain the most to their daily survival and sustenance. Self-pres 6s tend to be very responsible, serious, and conservative (risk-wise) regarding these matters, since they want to assure that their safety and security (which stems the most from their self-preservational needs) are intact. Additionally, self-pres 6s are extremely grounded, and that groundedness is the hallmark of this particular variant of 6s. They tend to want to have control over their resources and other areas pertaining to their preservation, and can become irritable and worrisome if they feel that these resources are being misused by others, or if they are in the wrong hands. They can start getting nervous and panicky if their jobs/monetary situations/housing situations/etc… are not on completely solid ground. Additionally, they may take a longer time to initiate new partnerships/relationships with, since they feel that these bonds need to be earned over time. However, if bonds are formed, self-pres 6s tend to be extremely loyal to others in order to sustain such bonds. Additionally, self-pres 6s can be extremely family oriented where the sustained safety and security of family can be essential (they can be extremely loyal keepers of family secrets, etc…). They can also potentially stay in punishing situations far longer than they should (bad jobs, bad marriages, etc…).

Social Instinctual Variant

By definition, Loyalists whose dominant instinct is social will tend to apply the passion and fixation of fear and doubt towards the social arena. These are the 6s that care extremely much about being liked, included, and accepted. They tend to be very warm, cooperative and friendly in order to stay well liked and appreciated. They also are very devoted team players and partners. They really do not want to let others down in any way, since they feel that this can serve as a first step towards being excluded or rejected in the future. They also can be great supporters, defenders, and advocates for others if the need arises to do so. They may care heavily about causes and for defending the honor of the people/groups who are important in their lives. However, at other times where decisions need to be made (whether crucial or trivial), they can waver back and forth, putting others into great consideration in their decision making process, and attempting to make sure that they are not doing anything which is not approved by others. They really care about making parents, spouses, bosses, coworkers, friends, and family happy with them, and they may go to the ultimate lengths of sacrifice in order to demonstrate that level of commitment (even if they have to question thousands of their own decisions in the process). Often, a side effect of this is that they can easily be bossed around and bullied by others and can possibly underappreciated and undervalued by others. Additionally, they can often be afraid of the consequences of communicating assertively to others. When fixated, they may consult a wide range of people to confide their concerns to, but they do this in the hopes that it will bring greater clarity to their own decision making process. Another aspect is that when heavily fixated, Social 6s can become quite antisocial and skeptical of society’s rules and norms for one reason or another. Their mistrust of people can greatly increase in this particular state.

Sexual Instinctual Variant

By definition, Loyalists whose dominant instinct is Sexual will tend to apply the passion and fixation of fear and doubt towards the sexual arena. They are extremely passionate and can be extremely intense and focused towards the object of their desire/interest. They are by far the feistiest of the 6s. This can at times lead to testing people and additionally to counterphobic behavior. This can lead to a heavy mistrust of people (and perhaps, especially of love interests). They want to mask the look of an idealized version of their gender in order to keep the partnership with a mate secured and in order to eliminate any possibility of betrayal. Sexual 6s intensity typically is quite sharp and focused in general. It would not be surprising to see them displaying an external sign or symbol which exhibits their strength and/or beauty very clearly (tattoos, jewelry, clothing, etc.). They are extremely watchful of being betrayed and if there is any sign that this might happen, they may very well display a “Don’t mess with me” face. They can also use strength (usually masculine more often than not) and/or beauty (usually, more feminine more often than not) in order to remain very appealing to the partner. Despite these outward signs, Sexual 6s often feel extremely vulnerable and weak inside. However, as stated above, most Sexual 6s are able to mask that vulnerability with a sharp feistiness. At times when they feel the most desperate, they can also brood deeply about their love interests. In this state, they can be ‘darkly’ obsessed with their own vulnerability as well, despite the outer façade of toughness or sexuality that they bring to their encounters. These are by far the most emotionally reactive 6s, especially when their deep and hidden vulnerabilities are exposed to the outside world.

Antidotes for personal growth

Virtue/Holy Idea: Courage/Holy Faith — Courage does NOT reside in the mental analysis that 6s use to deal with problems and issues in life. Even a switch from phobic to counterphobic behavior cannot annihilate the fear completely. Rather, courage stems from completely acknowledging the presence of fear, without attempting to DO or THINK anything to get rid of it (via fight or flight). At the same time, the courageous person persists throughout life’s constant stream of adversities and suffering without attempting to run away or altering them. To do this, they absolutely need to be extremely present to the direct reality that is in front of him/her, without trying to mentally alter that reality (for the sake of greater safety and security). Only when they are grounded in reality completely (and have faith that they will NATURALLY be all right), while still being quite aware of life’s slings and arrows without having to conjure up strategies to counter these adversities, can they be completely courageous.
Release: “I am willing to acknowledge my tendency to be defensive.”

References

Don Richard Riso, Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1987. ISBN 0-395-40575-0.
Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Types. New York: Bantam Books, 1999. ISBN 0-553-37820-1.